Reality TV: Oh the humanity!

Mrs Crow hates me. It’s the only way to make sense of it.

The last week I’ve been coming home slightly earlier than usual to be greeted by the wife watching large (and unhealthy) doses of Jade’s Salon.

What’s Jade’s Salon? Perhaps some of you lucky people might be blissfully ignorant. Well it’s a reality show about a woman made famous by a reality show … kind of reality show squared. Basically it follows 2002 Big Brother contestant Jade Goody as she tries to set up her own salon (hence the title).

Who is Jade Goody? Some of you may ask. And that makes the Crow weep – because knowledge isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, especially when it’s a lack of knowledge of Jade Goody’s existence. Oh you lucky people. Jade is some kind of horrendous caricature made human(ish) in flesh. As is the way with reality TV she was made famous for her monumental stupidity, and a certain vulgarity about her. She’s not done anything since (except for this new Jade’s Salon) and yet she’s always in the papers. Look up the word minging, and Jade Goody will be listed as an example.

Jade Goody: Reality TV made me famous!

A few choice Jade Goody quotes …

• Where is East Angular [sic], is it abroad?
• Saddam Hussein - that's a boxer
• A ferret is a bird
• I had my first birthday when I was one
• The Union Jack is for all of us, but the St. George is just for London, isn't it?
• Do they speak Portuganese in Portugal? I thought Portugal was in Spain
• Am I minging?

A pox on Big Brother for forcing such people down our throats as celebrities!

Mrs Crow has been keeping me on a short leash this weekend, which has meant I’ve had to watch a few episodes of the new Big Brother – and God help me I was trying to hide behind the sofa from the hideousness of it all. The contestants seem to get younger and younger, and seem all to be desperate wannabe celebrities.

This year on Big Brother there seems an overdose of very pretty model types – boy and girl. This seems in stark contrast to the first series of Big Brother where contestants were on the whole older and more ordinary looking. Heck of the women, there was only one in the first series who was at all attractive (Mel), and she was always professing her undying love to some guy just as he god evicted. On the other end of the scale there was Nicki the arts student that year who would always go sunbathing topless and really you wish she didn’t …

Nichola from Big Brother 1

Well so far the girls seem to have been talking mainly on what kind of magazines they’ll consider modelling for – I guess to get them into a bidding frenzy when they get out. I guess Loaded will have to get their cheque book out if them want one of the girls to “lower herself” to modelling for them.

By far the most pathetic though – and this stuck with me – was one girl actually crying to her housemates “Big Brother is trying to kill me … I’m so dehydrated, because they won’t give me bottled water”.


It’s going to be a long summer – weep for the Crow, weep for us all …


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