Killing your co-workers #3 : The Stepford Solution

This solution involves replacing that troublesome co-worker (usually a manager) with a duplicate, much like in the film The Stepford Wives. The idea is no-one will notice that absence of the real version, with the duplicate making similarly as bad a job as the original.

There are three strategies here which can be considered,

• replace with a robot
• replace with a clone
• replace with an actor

Replace with a robot

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robot

Well the problem is, we’re getting there but we’re not quite “there” yet on the robot front. Currently if you want a robot that can walk around, the most advanced walking robot is Asimo – problem is he’s a miniature version, and weighs quite a bit. You are going to have no end of trouble passing this off as Burt from accounts …


If you’re thinking of replacing someone who almost always is found at their desk, it’s somewhat brighter, with the Repliee Q1Expo. Looks great but there are several drawbacks – it cannot really move from it’s desk, it uses a rather noisy air compressor (which will be difficult to disguise) and lastly it only currently comes in an “Asian babe” package, which rather limits the choice of people you can use it to replace.


Replace with a clone

The Boys From Brazil time!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_cloning

Problem is once again I’ve been lied to by the Science Fiction I’ve read. Again like the robot version, we’re almost there but not quite (depending on which scientist is currently faking their data). However the real core problem is cloning produces a baby clone 9 months after you’ve ordered. Your co-workers can be quite gullable, but they’re going to have problems believing this is your 60 year old overweight, wrinkly and bald boss. Now wait a minute – this might just work after all …

Replace with an actor

On first glance this seems the best solution – but if you’re thinking this then you’ve obviously never met an actor. The problem with using any actor are as follows,

• they work odd hours – not the usual office ones
• they are slightly egotistical, and will demand some form of credit for their resume
• should you get one who is into “the Method”, you might actually end up with someone worse than the guy you’re replacing!

Avoid!


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