Mr Crow – this is your early morning wake-up call …

Yesterday was the lovely Mrs Crow’s birthday, and so we went out for a meal, had a good time, but felt a little the worse for it this morning.

Delightfully though, we received a wake-up call at 5:30am which went thus,

Boom, boom, acka-lacka-lacka, boom

No, this wasn’t Was Not Was’s “Walk the Dinosaur” on the clock radio – mainly because our clock radio is no more after the lovely Mrs Crow threw it at Mr Crow’s head when she was in a not-too-lovely mood.

Instead, it was our noisy neighbours, the British Army, deciding nothing says “morning has broken” better than letting loose with heavy artillery and an assortment of light machine guns. And of course, being the British Army, they've never heard of silencers for their equipment ...

We live a couple of miles from an army training range, and alas in the early hours of the morning, or late at night, the British Army love nothing better than letting off a few rounds, leaving the Crow family suffering from shellshock despite all their double glazing.

Possibly the most bizarre incident to date has been when the army used an overdose of visibility flares, causing a very bleary Crow to see lots of lights hovering in the sky, and was convinced the War of the Worlds had begun.

All this might be a cause for complaint, however it’s still a much better situation than the Crow’s previous house. Situated a mile down the road from the scenic Portland Bill lighthouse, the fog horn of which would prevent Mr and Mrs Crow from sleeping most of the night – another “feature” the estate agents forget to tell you.

The Crow is hoping to move to a quieter strip near Heathrow over the next few months …


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