The Moustache: The ‘tache of evil …

The whiskers on many animals such as otters and cats provide the animal with a great deal of extra information - about air movement, air pressure and acting as “feelers” around their face.

But the sensitivity of the whisker doesn't stop there. In early radios, Cat’s whiskers were used to aid tuning into radiowaves.

I’ve been told from a friend who is in the know about a couple "secret beliefs" of a certain world-wide cult. I will not mention the name of the particular cult, as they have a nasty habit of suing people who give away too much. Suffice it to say that one of their core beliefs is that the hairs on the human body are not natural, but a kind of alien parasitic host.

This same cult also believes an extra-terrestrial demon is trapped in a force field under a volcano, and he is sending out psychic control signals of evil to the people of the world, perverting them from their inherent good nature.

Putting these two core beliefs together with what we know about whiskers in other mammals, it therefore makes sense that these psychic signals of evil would have greater effect to people with moustaches. The hairs in the moustache, as they lie on an area of the body with a high concentration of touch receptors would be extra-sensitive to the "vibes of evil" in the same way that the whiskers on the face of a cat are more sensitive than hairs on other parts of its body.

In layman's terms, men with moustaches would be more evil than those without.

Nice theory – but is it true? We have a wealth of human history to explore and put it to the test …

Adolf Hitler – Leader of Nazi Germany who oversaw the oppression and extermination of those he felt were inferior. Evil. Moustached.

Joseph Stalin – Communist and butcher. He led Russia in the fight against Nazi Germany, but is probably personally responsible for the deaths of more Russians than the Nazis in his purges. Evil. Moustached.

Augusto Pinochet – dictator of Chile, responsible for many dissidents “disappearing”. Evil. Moustached.

Can you believe I almost forgot our old friend Saddam Hussain – dictator of Iraq, used chemical weapons first on Iranians, then on his own people. Evil. Moustached.

The bottom line is history has produced more moustached dictators than any other sort. Coincidence? I think not.

So next time you get to exercise your vote, vote for the clean shaven candidate if you value your liberty …


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