Killing your co-workers #4 : Poisoning the well

Its said that the Roman Empire when they encountered rebellious villages would poison the well to make the area inhospitable, and break up the population.

Of course in the modern millennium, the well of the office world is the water cooler, so this is the ideal place to “let loose the toxins”. But which one to choose?

A cyanide or arsenic based poison really takes action too quick – I mean who’s going to drink from the water when the last two people suddenly keeled over dead? I did consider cholera for a while, but it’s really too Victorian.

Then I came across several entries on “mercury poisoning” …

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mercury_poisoning
http://www.algonet.se/~leif/yfTAN93a.html

Absolutely fascinating – “Mercury attacks the central nervous system … exposure over long periods of time will result in brain damage and ultimately death. (The term "Mad as a hatter" is thought to relate to occupational insanity caused by exposure to mercury compounds in the manufacture of felt hats in the 19th century)”.

So what you have here is a slow acting poison which a lot of people will ingest. So far so good. And now check out the symptoms,

• Short-time memory deteriorates.
• You will find it difficult to concentrate on tasks which require attention and thinking.
• It is easier to execute tasks that are well known rather than to learn something new.
• You avoid social contacts which demand that you get out of your introvert behaviour.
• You loose your temper easily and switch between different moods for no particular reason.

All these “symptoms” of course mirror the kind of eccentric behaviour found in any office environment, especially if the office contains any form of engineers, making the poisoning impossible to trace.

[Disclaimer: Once again I should mention this entry is here for “comedy”, and if you are thinking of really wiping out your co-workers (a) seek professional help (and I don't mean the mob funded kind), and (b) get your own ideas. You need to differentiate between fantasy/comedy and real life.

If you are a budding mystery novelist who is going to steal this idea, be warned I will pursue you with every legal resource DIAL-4-A-LAWYER will lend me]


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