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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Killing your co-workers #5 : The paper tornado


This solution, though once again inventive has several limitations,
  • the target must have an untidy desk, as will become clear later
  • the assassin has to be prepared to come in on a weekend (most office workers will tell you this is something to be avoided)

This method utilises the same technology used in wind tunnels to create an artificial tornado.

The assassin sneaks into work of the weekend under the pretence of updating the air conditioning above the targets desk. In actuality, they are installing a large wind tunnel fan, with a cunning remote control.

Such fans are capable of creating wind speeds of several hundred miles per hour. But the object is not to suck the victim into the blade (although that could be method #6), but to instead by the installation of cunning baffles create a miniature (but full powered) tornado.

With the target in position, the artificial tornado is activated by remote, creating winds with a shear of over 100 m.p.h. The vortex thus created picks up any loose paper and post-its, hurling them at razor blade speeds.

The result is the victim paper-cut to death by their own documentation – Poetic Irony 1, Office Workers -1.


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