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Friday, June 16, 2006

Interview psychometric tests ...


Possibly the part of any interview that make the Crow squirm the most are psychometric tests.

These batteries of tests are designed to reveal your inner character and suitability for a position. Personally I feel they are on a par with those you get on the back page of Cosmopolitan, and just exist as another hurdle between you and a potential job.

Here is an example of one such question the Crow was asked once, and his reply …

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QUESTION

You are in charge of a drawbridge and you bring your son to work one day.

You hear a horn and looking out you see there is a passenger ship with about 200 people on it heading towards the bridge.

You have to raise the bridge, but you notice your son is playing in the cogs.

Would you pull the switch and save those people, killing your son?

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ANSWER

In my understanding, the normal way drawbridges operate is that the ship requests the bridge to open, by either radio or signalling somehow. But the ship has to “give way” to the bridge, meaning it has to slow down and wait for the bridge to raise when it’s ready. The ship can request the bridge be raised, but it only should be raised when the bridge is safe to do so.

The Captain of the ship's primary care is his ship and those onboard. As operator of the bridge, my primary duty of care is to the bridge and the people using. It’s important to state this to make clear that those people on the ship should not be my primary concern, even in such an emergency.

I cannot be expected to raise the bridge at a moment’s notice, and indeed most bridges cannot raise at any kind of great speed – the reason why ships need to wait for them to be raised.

In addition - there may well still be people on the bridge who I am dooming (not just my son) by panicking and opening the bridge before I’ve assessed the situation.

It should be noted, if the ship is so out of control then in all likelihood my opening the bridge will just move it's problems elsewhere, crashing into another ship (killing two lots of 200 people) or into a bank.

Finally, the drawbridge relies on its operation on its gears. Those gears are required to be kept free of obstructions to operate correctly. If I operate the bridge, I will kill my son, but there is no certainty the gears will not jam and fail to operate.

From my point of view for safety's sake I should
  • first get a co-worker to remove my son from the gears, with them so unobstructed I can be sure they will operate as expected. If need be I will do this myself.
  • I need to then be sure no-one else is on the bridge, it again, for safeties sake, must be clear, or else I cannot be sure it will even raise properly - if there are several lorries on it, the bridge might be above the maximum load at which the bridge can raise.
  • I would at all times try and flag down the ship to make them aware of the bridges status.
  • I would then try and only then raise the bridge.

The bottom line though is that,
  • the ship captain is grossly at fault for not keeping a safe speed on approach of a bridge (an immobile object), ensuring bridge status and keeping control of his vessel.
  • the bridge company is at fault for not safely enclosing the gear structure to prevent access to people and foreign objects - its' easily sabotaged!
  • I am at fault for bringing my son to work and not taking due care an attention to him.

But my primary duty is the bridge and it's customers/users.

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At this point the interviewer (someone from Human Resources) squirmed a little and say “yes, well … a good answer but I’ve got two boxes here, 'Yes' and 'No' ...”.

There you go – the future of this countries employment – just don’t think outside the (tick) boxes …



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Thursday, June 15, 2006

The Wisdom of Life


In 1996, the Crow was so inspired by the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, that he decided to make his own set of rules for life
based around his own personal philosophy and experience.

Known as “the Wisdom of Life”, the rules are sometimes funny, often serious and occasionally dark, and are presented here in completeness for the first time …

1. Nothing of steel is made without fire, and the trials of life are the flames from which we draw strength. [Personal motto]

2. Life is like riding a wild horse - sometimes you think you’re leading the horse, but really the horse’s leading you.

3. Fate - its not what you take, it’s what you make.

4. Life is the assault course of the soul.

5. Discipline is doing what you know to be right over what you feel to be right.

6. Great men hold truth and loyalty above all else, yet will never know peace because of it.

7. The man who claims to know his own mind is the greatest of fools.

8. Money is the drug of society, and we can never get enough to satisfy our ‘fix’.

9. Tears are the juice which flows from the fruit of our humanity.

10. Words can be flowery, but actions are the root of a person.

11. A brave man can embrace his fear, but only a fool knows no fear.

12. The shackles of fear are the heaviest of all.

13. Life is chance, and as long as we have a chance we have hope.

14. True love can never be damaged by the truth.

15. Sometimes hate is just twisted love.

16. A man against the world has allies he doesn’t yet know.

17. Love is when someone else’s happiness is more important than your own.

18. Despair is the greatest killer of all.

19. We cannot change the past, we can only learn from it.

20. Sometimes it seems easier to forget than to forgive.

21. Compassion in the world can be an oasis in the desert.

22. In the pit of despair, you have to clamber to get out.

23. Eccentricity can be a buffer against the madness of the world.

24. Today is the legacy of tomorrow.

25. Even a pawn can bring down a King.

26. Sometimes true qualities can only shine during adversity.

27. Listening does not mean being silent.

28. There is no place to hide from yourself.

29. Joy is better when shared.

30. A friend is the crutch that supports you when you cannot walk alone.

31. Responsibility wears a sombre face.

32. Everyone is wrong sometimes.

33. Guilt is only felt by those with conscience.

34. Desire is the path to insanity.

35. Sometimes words alone cannot heal the hurt inside.

36. Reality can sometimes be surreal in its nature.

37. Respect must be earned, not blindly given.

38. Sometimes we can find strength we don’t know we have.

39. We can live life as a predator, or its prey.

40. Sometimes the enemy within is greater than the enemy outside.

41. In every crisis lurks a hidden opportunity.

42. Laughter can make friends of enemies and enemies of friends.

43. Courage can be contagious.

44. The improbable frequently occurs.

45. Sometimes even the benevolent try to make slaves of us.

46. Our youth is a playground of mistakes.

47. What truth can you believe if you lie even to yourself?

48. Better to have success from failure than failure from success.

49. Love is giving without counting the cost.

50. The easy way up may not be so easy coming down.

51. Justice is the dream which gives us nightmares.

52. Fear keeps us alive, but stops us from living.

53. Never trust a man who smiles more than he should.

54. I am not good corrupted by evil, nor evil redeemed by good. I AM good and I AM evil, locked in perpetual conflict.

55. I am not good, neither am I evil ... but I am conflict.

56. I am the darkest fiend you will call friend.

57. There are 4 billion free spirited people in the world - conflict is inevitable.

58. Life is decay - death is inevitable.

59. The seas are unfathomable - fish is inevitable.

60. Transparency is deceptive - the Sun is black.

61. We hide behind masks even we don’t know we wear.

62. We are each a thousand people with a thousand voices and a thousand dreams.

63. We are all dreamers. And dreamers don’t live in the real world.

64. Desire is a mirage of deception.

65. Hope is the greatest weapon.

66. Time furnishes justice for all.

67. Life is descent - and we haven’t hit rock bottom yet!

68. Looking in your heart is like looking in a mirror - its easy to forget that the truth gets flipped around.

69. I am tomorrow's statistic.

70. A thrown egg never flies.

71. Death relishes whittling the healthy.

72. Never trust a bald barber.

73. Reality blurs where women are present.

74. THEY exist to challenge the concept that descent is inevitable and eternal, and to some THEY are called angels.

75. Evil is seductive, good is terrifying.

76. Patriotism is the slaughterhouse to which we run.

77. Behind the mask of patriotism can lie a monster.

78. I am the axis upon which the world turns.

79. All the world’s a morgue, and men and women merely bodies lining up.

80. The ticking of a clock is the shearing of each second of your life.

81. When democracy fails, we turn to dictators to clear up the mess.

82. Society decrees that reality is defined by group consensus, not hard fact.

83. The first rule of Government is to maintain order.

84. Nothing of value comes cheap.

85. The fantasies of our mind shape our perception of reality.

86. With the passing of each second we are hurled inexorably from the static, settled world of perceived reality and into the realm of the incredible.

87. The mind is the forge of all things.

88. The quest for justice awakes something terrible inside us.

89. Emotions are volatile - the more we suppress them, the greatest the devastation when released.

90. Society exists at the expense of the individual.

91. There is no injustice in a world where might is right.

92. Empires can only be forged by ruthless societies.

93. We must all stand before the eye of eternity and be reckoned.

94. Even in this technological age, bows and arrows still kill.

95. Life is a game, and no-one knows the rules.

96. Nothing ever happens without a reason.

97. One man’s treason is another man’s patriotism.

98. Forbidden fruit is the most tantalizing.

99. We revel in the success of friends - but too much can leave an acrid taste.

100. Fame is the lens which distorts us into larger, grotesque figures.

101. Successful people can claim to be more intelligent than they are, but intelligent people cannot claim to be more successful than they are.

102. Sex is the fleeting moment to which we steer the bulk of our lives.

103. Ambition motivates, desire cripples.

104. The glass may be half full - but is it safe to drink?

105. Torment in inevitable - we can either break our lives to pursue our aspirations, or be haunted by unfulfilled desires.

106. We only notice the good things in life when they are gone.

107. Only in a drunken stupor does life make sense.

108. We can destroy out of hate what we cannot rebuild out of love.

109. Life is impossible - any afterlife will be bizarre still.

110. Society controls us in many subtle ways.

111. The unholy will use religion to cover the most terrible of acts.

112. Time makes great things meek.

113. An empty box may look good, but may not be what we are after.

114. Women never seem to notice anything - but they always remember.

115. I am descent - the journey which in the end will break you.

116. Unrequited love destroys us from within.

117. Love can be more terrible than hate.

118. Emotion can be a road to ruin.

119. We are all the same person shaped differently by chance events.

120. Science can explain many things - and yet they may still feel miraculous.

121. Our understanding of the past is coloured by the prejudice of today.

122. Life is like a ship alone on the ocean, sailing ever on towards an empty horizon.

123. Life is a dynamic equilibrium between the forces of decay and the forces of renewal. Decay is generated by the forces of nature, and is constant and timeless. But renewal comes from within, and though it must eventually falter, for today it is enough.

124. The man who put the cherry on the icing did not necessarily bake the cake.

125. The primary goal of anyone in power is to stay there ...

126. The intelligence used to understand a thing reflects the intelligence which must have been used to create it. Therefore, if an object requires an application of intelligence to understand, it follows it required an application of intelligence to create ...

127. Who really has the courage to speak the truth, and who has the courage to hear it?

128. The only rights the weak have are those the strong allow them...

129. “Time is money” is a phrase only used by managers and prostitutes ...


All material copyrighted as bullsh*t ...

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

We don’t need no … air conditioning …


Another Summer, another heatwave …

Currently in the UK, workers are protected from working in environments of extreme cold, but not extreme heat – see article here.

And at my previous employer (and countless others) didn’t this lack of protection for workers just show! The building supposedly had an air conditioning system – hard to believe when in Winter the office temperature was just under 30 degrees Centigrade.

In Summer it would reach 35 degrees. No laughing matter when the company insists that because you have an air conditioner (although it didn’t matter that it didn't seem to do anything), employees are not allowed to open windows in an attempt to ventilate their office space.

To be doubly sure of this, they made sure all windows were locked and bolted – not out of spite you understand, but out of concern for our wellbeing.

In the Summer of 2003, we had the hottest summer on record, and as expected, office temperatures started to exceed 35 degrees.

“Don’t panic” said the management, “there’s nothing wrong, the air conditioning is functioning”, was the line we got from our managers.

The only highlight of this period was that a few of us had managed to persuade Kim, the departmental babe, to dress down for the heat …


On and on the saga went for over two weeks of increased office illness, lethargy and dehydration - it getting so bad that I would constantly hear the theme tune to Lawrence of Arabia constantly in my head whilst I was at my desk, and ended up shooting a man dead at in argument at a water cooler, "This is a Bedouin well, and you'd do well to remember that".

Then came the day management sprang into action. A report came from the server room that the companies central computers temperature was nearing 40 degrees. This was above the threshold for these machines, and so they’d have to be switched off immediately – meaning the work in the building would have to be stopped.

An emergency repair technician was called in, and the air conditioning was functioning again within 24 hours!!!

So it’s interesting to note than unlimited human suffering and misery means less to managers than a computers warranty being invalidated.

And this from a company who claimed to be “employer of choice”, who claimed “our greatest resource is our employees” – a worrying statement when you work in Soylent House


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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Doctor Who: What's the worst that can happen?


ROSE: Doctor - the Tardis just turned into a giant soda can!

THE DOCTOR: The chameleon circuit must be malfunctioning again. Still what's the worst that can happen?

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Where has the Crow been?



The Crow has been a busy man. He finally decided it was time to “get online” with his Playstation 2. And so the Crow came across this page on the Sony site telling him how easy it was to put your Playstation 2 online.


LIES!!!

The main part, a network adapter is now only available online. So the Crow bought one from ebay, which arrived on Saturday morning.

So you'd expect me to be online by lunchtime then? Erm, not quite.

First off the Crow had bought a wireless router in the hopes of bridging his PS2 with his internet connection which is upset. Only to find the wireless router only worked for a USB internet connection, and the PS2 has an ethernet connection.

Nevermind – a quick trip to Maplins, and a long ethernet cable was purchased which would do the trick.

The wireless option out the window, all the Crow needed was to drill a few holes to take the wire from upstairs to downstairs. This was like blindly drilling for oil – seems the Crow’s house is a bit asymmetrical and the holes didn’t join. Finally dragging the cable through secret hollows between the floors, we were all connected up.

So why wouldn’t the PS2 detect the internet?

Simple – because the good people at Maplins had provided me with a crossover cable where I needed a straight through cable – supposedly this is important! So back to the store I went, and reinstalled the new cable at home.

Sorted? No not quite – because my router still wasn’t happy – had to reboot it to factory settings – and finally the PS2 could see the internet …

Only for the PS2 at this point to ask me for it’s serial number – a serial number obscured by the network box.

Finally 10pm on Sunday I was online – to find no-one up for a Rogue Trooper multi-player! Typical.

Still the Crow as a computer engineer had a better chance than many to do this – and still took the best part of 10 hours. Perhaps this is secretly some form of Mensa challenge? No wonder there aren’t many other PS2 gamers online!


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