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Saturday, April 08, 2006

The future of economy class travel …

FACT: Year on year, the nation's population gets taller.

FACT: Year on year, the space afforded to those in economy class gets reduced.

FACT: Put someone in cramped conditions for long periods of time, and you increase the danger of deep vein thrombosis.

FACT: Research has shown the risks of deep vein thrombosis dramatically increase if you have some kind of compression on your legs, such as that provided by support tights.

Put this all together and I can already picture the economy class traveller of tomorrow …



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Friday, April 07, 2006

Mrs Crow needs her ears checked ...

I sent the wife to town today to buy a laminator! What was she thinking?



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Thursday, April 06, 2006

Transvestism

transvestism – there is a good article for this on Wikipedia,

There are many different usages and meanings of the term transvestism. Most experts agree that the correct usages is limited to:
  • When people dress in clothes normally worn by the opposite gender in order to identify with that gender in some manner.
  • When people dress in clothes normally worn by the opposite gender for purposes involving sexual arousal (transvestic fetishism).
  • A combination of the two definitions mentioned above.
  • Transvestitism is not an indicator of sexuality.

So a serious affront to common decency? Or just a bit of harmless fun?

Well I know by doing a series of articles on transvestism, it can seem that I’m knocking the whole culture, but it’s all meant in a degree of fun. I mean we’ve all got up one morning, found ourselves caught short in the underwear department and ended up borrowing some of the Mrs lingerie, haven’t we? Oh evidently just me then …

Actually look into the whole issue of dressing up in women’s clothes and although it’s true that transvestism is frowned upon, there are a lot of cases where dressing up in women’s clothes is accepted.

For example, my father has been a lifelong member of the Methodist church. As part of a church evening of raising funds for charity, he and several other important members of the congregation dressed up as women, and sang “Three Little Maids from School”. Did God get angry and strike them all dead? Or did people get into the spirit of it?

And the UK tradition of pantomime is even more gender confusing. The hero is a boy who is usually played by a girl, whilst their mother, the pantomime dame (a comedy character) is played by a man. Again it’s all good family fun.

Maybe this isn't so surprising, when you remember back in Shakespeare's age, all actors were men, and so the first Juliet was in fact, a man in drag! [Don't quote Shakespeare in Love at me though]

In some ways though, it’s that sense of fun which comes across in films such as The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, The Birdcage and (though I’ve not seen it yet, but it looks very funny) Kinky Boots, though some will say performers who make a living out of dressing up as women are really drag queens.

But it doesn’t stop there – just about every society (well maybe not the Taleban) has some kind of event which is an excuse to dress up in women’s clothing. I remember reading about such an event in India a while ago.

At my own University, the University of Sheffield, the Pyjama Jump was a famous party night where men and women cross-dressed in each other’s lingerie, although the event has since been banned.

The Crow fondly remembers those nights of applying lipstick, and stuffing balloons in his bra before stepping out …


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Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The Transvestite What Not To Wear (TWNTW)

The Crow's article on the difference between male and female views of dressing raised a few heckles this week, so the Crow will be turning over part of his blog this week to cross dressing purveyors of fashion, Tranny and Shezamanna.


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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The Moustache: The sign of an eccentric

The Crow has a goatee beard!

The reasons for this are simple (a) The Crow is lazy, and (b) The Crow never got the hang of shaving too well, so his face looked like he was a regular customer of Sweeney Todd.

However growing a moustache isn’t always the lazy option – some of these styles, particularly anything in the region of the handlebar or walrus moustache require a lot of care and attention – so it’s no surprise some of the owners of this style have a reputation as being somewhat eccentric as these examples prove …

Jimmy Edwards – British comedian

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle – author of the Sherlock Holmes books

Salvador Dali – surrealist painter

Friedrich Nietzche – German philosopher oft credited with giving Hitler some of his bad ideas …


Mark Twain – American humorist and author


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The Moustache: From comedy to tragedy

Probably the biggest irony of the 20th Century was that two of it’s most iconic figures both sported the same toothbrush style moustache. One would bring laughter to the world.


The other would bring tears.


Their similar appearance led Charlie Chaplain to appear in a 1940 film called The Great Dictator as a send up of Adolf Hitler’s regime. Years later Chaplain said that had he known the full brutality of the Nazi regime, he would never have made the film.

Since then the toothbrush moustache has waned in popularity, and was last seen on Blakey, the Nazi-esque inspector in On the Buses ...



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Sunday, April 02, 2006

Getting ready in the Crow household ...

Not quite how the Crow looks when allowed to "dress himself" ...

When “getting ready” to go to work of any morning, the Crow cycles through the checklist of clothes he’ll need for the day,
  • one pair underwear
  • one pair socks
  • one pair trousers
  • one shirt
  • one tie
  • one pair shoes
Mrs Crow cannot decide what to wear again ...

Theoretically, Mrs Crow, my wife of 10 years goes through a similar process
  • one pair underwear
  • one bra
  • one pair socks (or tights)
  • one pair trousers
  • one blouse
  • one pair shoes
However the Crow cannot help but notice the vast difference in time between the two theoretically identical processes of male vs femal getting ready!

Being a scientist, the Crow has been drawn to investigate …

The difference seems to be one of process between the way most men and women approach this list. The Crow approaches it as …
  • Next? One pair of underwear. Check .
  • Next? One pair of socks. Check.
  • Next? One pair of trousers. Check .
  • Next? One shirt. Check.
  • Next? One tie. Check .
  • Next? One pair of shoes. Check.
A systematic and functional approach, find what you need, and tick it off your list, move to the next. You might end up with an orange tie and a pink shirt, but you DO have one of everything and that’s what matters.

The wife has a different, female perspective on things which is driven by a separate question that the Crow (being a man) is unable to form in his head. It's quite a simple question with a difficult answer and it goes like this, “does it go with everything else that I have on?”. So welcome to the mind of Mrs Crow …

  • Next? One pair of underwear. Does it go with everything else that I have on? Check .
  • Next? One pair of socks. Does it go with everything else that I have on? Check.
  • Next? One pair of trousers. Does it go with everything else that I have on? Check .
  • Next? One shirt. Does it go with everything else that I have on? No! Immediate panic – return to beginning and start again.
  • Restart! One pair of underwear. Does it go with everything else that I have on? Check .
  • Next? One pair of socks. Does it go with everything else that I have on? No! Immediate panic – return to beginning and start again.
This process as any software engineer will tell you is a loop with an indeterminable end condition, restarting if unsatisfactory events occur.

Of course the beauty of the female approach is they very rarely end up going out looking like the local retard. The disadvantage is of course is (as any man will tell you who has waited for his wife to get ready) that the end condition is indeterminable (and potentially unreachable), and hence you might turn up to wherever looking stunning, but you’ll be so late that everyone else will have gone home.

Surely though now there is less difference between the sexes, there must be some middle ground? The Crow welcomes any sartorial hints on his message board …


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