The Crow writes material for Have I Got News For You apparently ...

A few months ago the Crow left a comment on the Guido Fawkes political intrigues website regarding the Tessa Jowell affair.

She and her husband David Mills had taken out a second mortgage on a house, which had been mysteriously paid back a week later after her husband was paid £500,000 by then Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

All this appeared rather dodgy (dare we say “corrupt”?) when Tessa Jowell, Culture Secretary, starts to give contracts out to Italian firms. She claimed her husband told her nothing of the payment (which paid off their mortgage), and feeling her job on the line, she announced she was divorcing him.

The Crow mentioned here on Guido’s blog that this was the first case of a “politician who resigned from her family to spend more time with her career”.

Today on Have I Got News For You, guest presenter Sir Trevor MacDonald repeated the same line as a punchline regarding the story. So this is the first time the Crow has seen his material on the television!

Sir Trevor, if you need additional material – you can email me direct.

Yes indeed … the ego has landed!


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I am not a number! I’m a free man!

"My boss is Number Two ..."

Today is a big day for the Crow!

For the past 7 years he has worked for a global corporation. Within this corporation he did not have a name, but a staff number. Whenever he wanted a computer problem sorted, an expense paid, or deal with management, they did not want to speak to the Crow, but to employee number 58763.

Thankfully this nightmare situation straight out of the fictional dystopias of 1984, THX1138 and the Prisoner is about to come to an end. Today the Crow leaves for another job, and so has the pleasure never to have to refer to himself as number 58763 again.

To celebrate the fact, the Crow has arranged a bonfire for his ID badge, his company diary and the bizarre autobiography of a past CEO ("Your CEO has made this company the success story it is today ... Your CEO is watching you!") which was standard issue propaganda when he joined the company.

As he is a fan of the Prisoner, the Crow will arrange to be pursued by a giant fitness ball as he makes one last dash to get out of the company gates and past the company security perimeter at 5:30pm …




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Doctor Who exclusive: Cyber Billie ...

The new series of Doctor Who is has started on the BBC in the U.K.

One of the highlights will be the return of the Cybermen. Spoilers claim the Cybermen will be trying to get their metal mits on Billie Piper, and here is an exclusive photo of Rose part-Cyber-converted.

"I am le Cute Ass of the Cybermen ... from this day forward I will service you ... yeah in your dreams!"

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The long & the short: Nabil Shaban

Nabil Shaban – is a man we used to see a lot on television in the 80s, a fantastic actor, and a fascinating person to hear interviewed.

He is a disabled actor who suffers from osteogenesis imperfecta and is most famous for playing the alien Sil in Doctor Who. You can find his website here.

I asked him how he felt that short actors and even disabled ones seem to appear more in fantasy and sci-fi than they do in normal reality based drama ...

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Yes, its really annoying that we only exist in fantasy and Sci Fi. this is how the world would prefer our existence. not in the real world.

Meanwhile...if Bush and Blair aren't stopped soon, no one will exist in the real world or the planet will look like some post-Apocalyptic Sci Fi movie.

Here's a Bush joke you might like to pass on to your friends. How the Bushies Change a Light Bulb

How many members of the Bush administration are required to replace the proverbial light bulb?

Are you ready for this?

The Answer is SEVEN:
(1) one to deny that a light bulb needs to be replaced;
(2) one to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the light bulb;
(3) one to blame the previous administration for the need of a new light bulb;
(4) one to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
(5) one to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries one million dollars for a light bulb;
(6) one to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the light bulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag;
(7) and finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
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Nabil has a book of his poetry out - if its anything like his public speaking it'll be well worth a look. You can find out more here.


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The long & the short: Carel Struycken

Carel Struycken is instantly recognisable to any sci-fi fan as Lurch in the Adams family, Mr Homm in Star Trek Next Gen, the Giant in Twin Peaks and many others ...

You can find his offical website, which details his interest in taking spherical panoramas here!

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Being this tall is mostly a headache: Most literally because I often scrape my head against doorposts and also because it is so hard to find clothes and especially shoes. There are also very few cars I fit in. At the moment I am very happy with my Honda CR-V. With a little re-engineering it has more room than most full sized suvs and I love taking it out to the desert when there is a chance (not often).

My favorite part was probably "the Giant" in Twin Peaks. It was the strangest film-set I have ever worked on and I was already a big fan of the series.

At the moment there is very little film work for me, so I am starting a new career as spherical panorama photographer.

This is the website I made to showcase the panoramas: http://www.sphericalpanoramas.com

All the best,

Carel

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I really do recommend having a look at his website, as he has some stunning pictures there, and Carel seems to have quite a love affair with the desert - he also pointed me in the direction of a website of pictures of "the hardiest of all explorers, Sir Wilfred Thesiger" - some amazing pictures of the Middle East from around. You can find the website here.


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Residents of Portland look away ...

This is enough to put terror into all the locals of Portland ...

http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/giantrabbit.asp


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The long & the short: Warwick Davis

Warwick Davis has appeared as Willow, the Leprechaun, Wicket the Ewok, Marvin the paranoid android ...

I should point out I was stunned by how fast he replied to my mail, and how early his reply was timestamped – six o’clock in the morning when the Crow is safely tucked in bed! A man who really does make time for his fans!

[I also asked Warwick about how it felt wearing prosthetics]

You can find his offical website here!

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Warwick was pleased to hear from you and says to tell you that far from worrying about playing sci-fi and fantasy and horror, he is so pleased to be working as hard as he is.

Warwick says to tell you that like being tall, being short makes life difficult with clothes, shopping in general and many other things, but, we can all moan about some part of us that we don't like.

As for the prosthetic make up Warwick says to tell you that it can make your face very sore at times, but if you want to play the part, its the price you have to pay. Warwick says he loves to act and feels privileged to be able to do the job he loves

There are, Warwick says many things in the 'pipe line' so check out the website from time to time to find out all the latest info.

Warwick sends you and your son his best wishes

Regards

Caz

pp Warwick

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The long & the short: Being tall ...

My own tale on life is I’m quite tall. At my school I was pretty much the tallest in the school, towering over my classmates. I thought I’d almost never stop growing until I was matching someone of David Prowse’ (played Darth Vader) or Peter Mayhew’s (played Chewbacca) stature.

Fortunately I kind of bottomed out at 6’4”, which is quite big enough to realise you’re sufficiently taller than the average to cause a few problems, and God help those who are grow any higher!

So what are the problems?

Well first of all clothes. Everything is just a bit bigger, you need bigger shoes, you have to make sure your trousers aren’t half mast because the leg is too short, and have a shirt which doesn’t make your arms look like they’re dangling around like a Gorilla because the cuffs are half way up your forearm.

And heaven help you if on top of all this you need to lose a few pounds (erm like me)! You tend to be driven to buy what fits rather than “wow I like that”. A friend at University was a giant, and I once saw his wardrobe once, which contained a dozen replica outfits – “I tend to find clothes my size and buy a dozen of the same thing” he told me.

Legroom. You have longer legs. This means the economy seating in aeroplanes which is cramped for the average person is just unbearable. Headroom too is impossible. On a flight from Scotland I was huddled and twisted trying to fit into my seat – thankfully it was just over an hour in that Hell. Likewise the first thing I think when looking for a car is how far back the seats can go, and how much legroom there is.

Beds. Even for me they don’t make beds or sheets long enough – so my legs tend to dangle over the end a lot (and we have a kingsize bed). It’s probably one of the reasons I find it so comfortable to sleep on the floor sometimes.

Watch your head! Yeah bundle of laughs this. The modern submarine or warship that I’ve had to visit occasionally whilst it was in dock is ideally built for a man sized 5’ 10”. You start the day ducking through every bulkhead, but as time drags on, eventually you forget to duck and then - believe me - it really hurts!

The cinema. Actually being tall is an advantage in the cinema as you see really well. But when you have to sit in front of someone there is a terrible sigh behind you as they take your height personally…


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The long and the short of it …

I was collecting ideas from AlchemyX, one of the forums I frequent for a “theme of the week” for this blog.

One of the suggestions was to write something about “An army of evil midgets who wish to rule the world”.

Well I’m not going to! Partly because I don’t want the term “Midget Nazi” following me around forever. However it did give me the idea to really take a look at the issue of being either very tall or very short in a society which seems to be engineered only for those of average height.

It seems the easiest place to find groups of tall and short people was the film and TV industry. So I’ve been asking around some notable short and tall actors for their experiences of life, and what they find difficult or awkward, and will provide some of their replies in this blog, together with some answers from not-so-famous friends an acquaintances as well.

My questions to these people were pretty much on two fronts

• What are the advantages and difficulties of being their height?
• Many of these actors work mainly in sci-fi and fantasy, rather than standard drama/comedy roles. How to they feel about not being represented in mainstream TV/film?

I’m sorry to disappoint, but I’m still waiting on my answer from Tom Cruise …


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The Island of Portland: An announcement

Dear Residents of Portland

For years I lived amongst you, respecting your ways and honouring your fear of that-which-must-not-be-named.

However I will be returning to the Isle of Portland on Saturday 6th May 2006.

If by that time I have not received from you a payment of two million dollars, I will arrive with a megaphone attached to the roof of my car playing “Run rabbit run” on a repeating loop.

You have three weeks – wa ha ha …

Yours sincerely,

Dr Evil Crow


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